4 am
Parkinsons insomnia has returned full force tonight and I have already been awake for several hours. I've drunk my water, plumped pillows and read. I am grateful yet again for the gentle Kindle glow which allows me to read without disturbing my bedfellow.
I read to distract my worrisome thoughts and silent wittering.
My physical pain may be bad but mental pain seems far worse in the wee small hours. I push away the fears that surround me, reminding myself that they will not feel so powerful when dawn breaks. The light will sap their strength, their overpowering force will diminish. I will sip tea, watch the birds in the garden and plan my day with a lighter heart. It was ever thus.
As my eyelids become heavy and sleep seems possible after all, I close Kindle down. Its glow is suddenly gone and my eyes adjust to the black depths of the bedroom. Gentle night noises reassure me; my husband's steady breathing, the hum of the boiler warming the water for my morning bath, and the distant rumble of the night train.
Outside torrential rain is gushing through the gullies and drains. The tricky bit of guttering outside the bedroom window which rebuffs all attempts at repair is doing its worst again and the rain splashes, overflowing triumphantly.
The breeze ripples through the open windows, cool and fresh.
I thank God for the beauty that surrounds me in this pitch black place.
And I patiently wait for sleep or the morning light to break the spell.
The small hours are the worst time for anxious thoughts and all worries seem to be magnified. I know from experience that it's hard to still your mind when that happens. Kindle helps me too!
ReplyDeleteSending positive thoughts and lots of hugs your way xx
Thanks Eileen. You're right. I think I've got it sussed now, I allow a bit of time to nod off but if it's not happening I go straight to a happy book on Kindle. I hate thrillers, mysteries etc so my Kindle is a happy place for me though it would probably bore most folk back to sleep!
DeleteI rely on my MP3 player and soft headphones (they are in a headband sort of thing called something like cosiphones). I have talking books and podcasts loaded on to the player and soon drift off. I just call them 'non-sleeping' nights.
ReplyDeleteGood idea, I haven't used headphones yet. I am well used to no sleep these days and it is lovely to read a lot!
ReplyDeleteSo hard when you can't drop off to sleep. I do wish you well Lyn. By the way we seem to have been born of the same vintage year xx
ReplyDeleteThank you Beverley!
ReplyDeleteNothing is worse than lying awake for hours. I make myself get up, have a warm drink, read a little, do something different for a half hour. Then i find I can sleep.
ReplyDeleteI'm ok if like you I have strategies to cope.Reading is working at the moment. Thanks cor commenting Barbara, it means a lot x
DeleteIt's awful when sleep just won't come. Every worry and anxious thought is magnified a hundredfold in the wee small hours. Hubby and I both have nights when sleep eludes us so we now each have our own bedroom so that one does not disturb the other. Perhaps tonight will be better for you. Sending hugs x
ReplyDeleteThanks Angie x
ReplyDeleteLynn, I guess you have tried Melatonin to help you sleep. It works for me but not for everyone. We can buy it at the Chemist here. I do hope the nights improve for you soon.
ReplyDeleteGood morning Chel 😊
DeleteNo I had not heard of using Melatonin so I spent some time researching it. Sadly it seems contra-indicated here due to my blood disorder and the anticoagulants I have to take.
My Parkinsons drugs have improved my sleep patterns, so I get one or two reasonable nights sleep a week. Thrilled to say last night was one of them. 😊😊😊 Thanks for caring enough to write x